The viper’s scheme by TheDancingCrow

http://archiveofourown.org/works/5540954/chapters/12782114

In a world full of magic humans battled demons for hundreds of years.

For now humans are the ones who emerge on top, having devised a way to enslave the demons and seal their magic. Of course slave life is not a pleasant one, especially when humans do not see demons as rational beings with thoughts and feelings.

The demons choose an assassin to kill the “Chosen One”, the most powerful mage, but things don’t go as planned and he ends up his slave. He’s abused horribly, of course. Then he ends up living with his master’s best friend, who is treating him very well. But said friend has an ulterior motive: he wants to kill the Chosen One and steal his powers.

The biggest issue I have with this story is the massive amount of useless words. At 170k words the plot moves at a snail’s pace. We got to chapter 31 and covered only a few weeks of their time. Two thirds of that were useless fillers. If you skip from chapter 6/8 to 31 you won’t lose anything of importance. In chapter 31 the slave finally finds out why the new master was treating him so well and… reacts like a retard.

This should have happened 20 chapters ago. Nothing I’ve read here makes me feel like I missed out on things because I skipped 20 chapters. In fact, I skimmed through most of this chapter also because a tenth of it describes in painful detail how the slave and master climb on horses; how the horses take them to the edge of the town; how they go past the edge of the town; the plants and nice things they see; how and what they eat and the smalltalk they make while eating. ¬†All useless scenes.

This girl writes well, but she desperately needs and editor who isn’t afraid of slashing the useless crap.