Measureless to Man by Amanuensis

One of the hotter things I read, possibly. Lily goes to Narcissa to ask for help and advice. Things turn steamy.

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Aftermath by Josan

Snape runs away from Hogwarts after the war because life is hard and he wants a fresh start I guess. Then we see him eleven years later with short hair, wearing leather and riding a bike. Yeah.

And then Ron is basically a poor muggle that was horrifically scarred by the war and now some people are using him for torture and rape on the regular. No, really. They coincidentally meet because of Mcgonagall’s squib cousing who sees auras and we also have a chance to read a detailed description of Ron’s thorn anus.

It got marginally better when I stopped trying to think of them as Snape and Ron and imagine instead some other people coincidentally named Snape and Ron.

Writing isn’t stellar either. Ron never got it on with Harry because “Harry’s het. He’s very het.” Because gay people use fanfiction terms when reffering to sexual orientations.

It’s a good thing it’s short, only about 11k words, but I didn’t finish it anyway.

WHEELS OF FIRE (THE OFFICIAL AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF HARRY POTTER) by capitain_tulip

This was funny. 

Harry wants to try his hand at writing and what better subject for a first book than his own life? Problem is, he’s bad at it. More than bad, awful even. So obviously he decides to hire a ghostwriter, who happens to be none other than Draco Malfoy.

The story opens in a publisher’s office, who takes a look at Harry’s manuscript and the badness of it hits him so hard that he’s about to fall off his chair.

There is a short pause. Mr Knobbs picks up the manuscript again with a vague look of desperation and flicks through it one last time. The look on his face grows pained as his movements pause at a certain page. It’s probably the part where the conversation between himself and Dumbledore abruptly ends because it was too painful to recall. The textbook assured him that abrupt endings to conversations were entirely theatrical and very often done, often to emphasise a particular line or point. For Merlin’s sake, he’d been advised.

I started to laugh with the first lines and didn’t stop until I reached the end.

It’s not a terribly old fic, but even so I couldn’t find a link for it anywhere else other than the wayback machine.